THE SPAGHETTI WESTERN MUSICAL POONTANG THEORY...

Let me run this past you:

PART ONE:

How the BBFC could even contemplate banning this masterpiece is beyond me...

THE SPAGHETTI WESTERN BIT
One of the greatest Spaghetti Westerns ever filmed (for my money, at least) is Sergio Corbucci's 'Django'. I could totally murder the theme song at a Karaoke evening. It's the film Sam Peckinpah's 'The Wild Bunch' wishes it was, and that's saying something!

THE MUSICIAN BIT
Dave Stewart (most notably the one out of The Eurythmics who wasn't Annie Lennox) has a son, also a musician, called 'Django'. He probably named him after the somewhat obscure guitarist Django Reinhardt, but I'd prefer to think he named him after Franco Nero's coffin-dragging badass of the same name. Plus, it fits the theory.

Admit it. You would, wouldn't you? I know I would...

THE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN BIT
Django Stewart is, as we say in the trade, 'knocking off' the rather delectable Georgia May Jagger.

PART TWO:

Nobody made a Spaghetti Western about a guy called Pete Best, know what I'm saying?

THE SPAGHETTI WESTERN BIT
There's also a titular Spaghetti Western character called 'Ringo', who has also appeared in a number of films. Face facts: Any movie franchise that can have both Richard Harrison(the undisputed King of Ninja movies!) and Sergio Leone doing the musical duties must be required viewing.

THE MUSICIAN BIT
The drummer out of The Beatles is also called 'Ringo'. The generally-held consensus is that Ringo was not only the least musically talented of the group (pretty harsh when you consider the competition), but probably also not really musically talented enough to make a career as a professional drummer either.

THE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN BIT
Yet Ringo was somehow talented enough to pull Barbara Bach, one of the most outrageously doable Bond Girls ever.

Rope. Closet. Women's underwear. Is it still 'too soon' for me to start doing David Carradine jokes?

I'd say that trumps a Yoko Ono in any man's language, even more so if said man happens to be avowedly heterosexual.

PART THREE:

Do I really have to further prove my theory to you foolhardy disbelievers by revealing that there is in fact a character called 'Mongo' in 'Blazing Saddles', named after the musician Mongo Santamaria?

You can naysay all you like, but I am convinced that this in fact proof positive of one of the immutable laws of the universe, like toast always landing buttered side down and cats always landing on their feet.

Mongo chins a horse

It seems quite evident to me that if you want to hook up with the best looking women, it pays to be named after an obscure character in a Western who also shares a name with a musician, and the name should preferably end with the letters 'ngo'. For some reason, the convergence of Spaghetti Westerns, Music, and the 'ngo' ending seems to attract beautiful women like bees to honey.

Bear this in mind when it comes time to name your male offspring. Me, I'm off down to the Deed Poll office to get my name changed to 'Bango', then I'm going to kick back and wait for scores of beautiful women to start throwing themselves at me, like they do in those terribly subtle deodorant adverts you see on the TV.